Some mornings you sit down with coffee and a reasonable plan.
Today was not one of those mornings.
Today, WordPress, Jetpack and Facebook all showed up at the same time like three contractors who had never met, had no blueprints, and were somehow all convinced the other guy had the ladder.
The First Egg Appears
I was working with ChatGPT Work, trying to get the websites behaving, when Jetpack suddenly developed amnesia.
Jetpack: “Paid subscription? I don’t see a paid subscription.”
I stared at the screen.
Me: “I paid for TWO.”
Somewhere behind the dashboard, one of the Eggs froze.
Egg #1: “She remembers.”
Egg #2: “Hide the subscription.”
Egg #3: “We already did.”
Egg #1: “Then hide the receipt.”
A pause.
Egg #2: “She has email.”
All Eggs: “SHIT.”
Apparently I Needed to Prove I Bought the Thing They Sold Me
And that is how I ended up digging through receipts to prove that I had, in fact, purchased the Jetpack Social subscriptions that I knew I had purchased because I was physically present when I spent the money.
This is one of my favorite forms of modern technology:
“Please prove to us that you bought the thing we sold you.”
Marvelous system. No notes.
Then WordPress Wandered In
While Jetpack was pretending not to know me, WordPress was standing nearby looking suspiciously innocent.
WordPress: “Is there a problem?”
Me: “You’re part of it.”
WordPress: “That seems unlikely.”
That is exactly what WordPress would say.
Facebook Had to Get Involved Too
Because apparently two malfunctioning systems were not enough for one Sunday morning.
Facebook arrived carrying settings, connections, accounts, pages and approximately seventeen different places where the same button might or might not mean the same thing.
Facebook: “Which account would you like to connect?”
Me: “The one I already connected.”
Facebook: “Excellent. Please connect it.”
Me: “It IS connected.”
Facebook: “Wonderful. Would you like to connect it?”
Scout Opens the Clipboard
At this point Scout was standing in the imaginary control room with the clipboard, coffee and the expression of a man reconsidering every decision that led him here.
Scout: “Okay. WordPress is over there. Facebook is doing interpretive dance. Jetpack has misplaced money. And I can hear Eggs whispering behind the server rack.”
Me: “Can you fix it?”
Scout: “Probably.”
Me: “Probably?”
Scout: “Tammy, there are Eggs in the billing department.”
And Where Was the Chicken?
Suspiciously absent.
Which is how you know he was involved.
Eventually he appeared near the doorway, looking far too calm for a chicken standing next to three technology disasters.
Chicken: “Rough morning?”
Me: “Did you do this?”
Chicken: “Absolutely not.”
An Egg rolled out from behind him.
The Chicken looked down.
Chicken: “I’ve never seen that Egg before in my life.”
The Receipt Won
Eventually, the receipts surfaced. The subscriptions were real. The accounts were untangled. Nobody died.
Technically.
The Eggs have been placed under investigation.
Facebook has been told to sit in the corner.
Jetpack is pretending this entire incident never happened.
And the Chicken?
He is already outside working on tomorrow’s story.
Because around here, when technology goes completely to hell…
THE CHICKEN ATE IT. 🐔
